Imposter Syndrome, Healing, and Burnouts
Happy New month! I’ve been wracking my brain for a topic. Writing this with eyes half open, I’m pushing through.
It’s been the weirdest thing, I have ideas for someone else’s story, but your own, you come up short. There have been days where I literally stare at the computer, not putting anything down. I feel stuck. I felt like I’m writing the same story over and over. Challenging myself with different types of genres but the plot does not stick.
I began a new job. It’s work from home, convenient but draining. After work I want to write or edit. I end up falling asleep on my keyboard or my phone slips out of my hand. Between feeling like I’m a fraud and just doing nothing, makes my mind wander. I write, just here and there. At least 10 to 20 words. Then I get that sinking feeling of doubt. ‘Am I good enough?’
‘Should I be doing this?’ ‘What’s the point?’
‘Is this worth publishing?’ ‘Am I worthy of the bookshelves?’
My heart and head answer yes to these questions. I love writing, making new stories and plots. Then my gut tells me there is no way. I get that motivation to write, then exhaustion hits. Not enough time during the day after work, writing feels more like a force than a passion. I still love to write, it’s one of my favorite things to do. Lately, I’d rather lay in bed, not doing anything, or stare at the screen hoping for words to come. Anything clever to pop into my head. Even updating my blog has felt like too much for me. I stopped meditating, reflecting in my journal. Rewatched The Vampire Diaries and How I Met Your Mother five times. I assumed it’s me being lazy. Then I read online about burnouts, where it’s your body that runs out from exhaustion after you have overworked yourself. Here’s a video that explains it:
I was recently diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis in my knees. Pain doesn’t cut when I want to relieve it and write, it has been difficult when its throbbing, knees are tense and swollen.
Now the workflow has been dying down. Less stress and exhaustion. The pain in my knee is less than before, thanks to biofreeze, medication, meditation, and leg exercises.
Besides writing and edits I’m trying my hands at aesthetics with Canva. I’m not so great at it, I’m getting the hang of it though.
Reading has been less. Only 7 books and manuscripts. I will read more before the year ends, my tbr list keeps piling up. Physical books and ebooks.
Last month for Nanowrimo. A new novel project Tongue Tied. Unfortunately, I did not win but I did write over 10,000 words. That’s the most I’ve written all year. The first four chapters are published on my Wattpad profile. I will share it here. I’m meditating again. Getting strength and moving forward with habits and exercises that have been helping me the past months. Share in the comment section of what helps you when you are burnt out. Stay safe, loved and blessed.
Here are some resources that have helped me.
COMFIER Cordless Hair Scalp… https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07Z8Y47HF?ref=ppx_pop_mob_ap_share
HPYGN Resistance Bands Set,… https://www.amazon.com/dp/B081L9MDC8?ref=ppx_pop_mob_ap_share
Biofreeze Pain Relief Roll-On, 3 oz. Roll-On, Fast Acting, Long Lasting, & Powerful Topical Pain Reliever, Pack of 3 (Packaging May Vary) https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01H32CVFO/ref=cm_sw_r_apan_glt_fabc_JD75CTV5SJD37FQRFSHC?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1
Kevina 